Romans 8:28 says, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose, this is the scripture that we seemed to live by throughout Brooklynns life. It would seem that whatever sickness, whatever adversary we faced that day or that week we would place it in God's hands and it would be done. But there comes a time when things catch us off guard and our Fight or Flight kicks in and Flight seems like the quickest and easiest way out, which brings me to my next blog.
Brooklynn was 5 and had started her first year in her new kindergarten class and I was a Headstart teacher at Burnside Elementary. All was well in life concerning our new family but there was always that little voice in the back of my mind that said, "I wonder when her real dad or what we always referred to as "sperm donor" will show back up?" After our divorce because of the abuse he was only allowed 2 hours every other week visitation and that was only if he completed the parenting classes. It wasn't long until he no longer kept up the visitation and soon after we moved to Somerset. Every now and then I would pass him on the road and he would stare at me as to say, "you better be scared of me". But after awhile I just stared back and prayed that I didn't run him off the road for the things he had said and done to us. So I began to pray that God would somehow, someway allow Timmy to adopt Brooklynn. It seemed such a stretch to pray such a thing but look what God had already done for us and after all is anything to difficult for him?
A couple of weeks later while I was teaching class a knock came on the classroom door, it was an attorney. He said Ms.King, I'm here to inform you that you are being served. "Served? For What?" "Well, your ex-husband is wanting visitation ." I said "Why? why does he want to see her now, it has been years since he saw her last and now he wants to see her, this makes no sense?" But then he told me the real reason and it of course had to do with money. I was furious. I said, "Sir, you have no idea who you are representing", and he said, "I'm just getting paid to do my job", and I said, "somethings aren't worth the money". He left and I walked back into my room angry and crying. I couldn't believe that God was allowing this to happen. I reasoned over and over in my mind what would happen. What if the judge didn't listen to me, what if he believed him instead? How could I bare to make her spend time with him and besides that what about her health, it was so fragile. How could he feed her? She only ate for me and her aide. I was an absolute wreck.
After much plotting and pondering I came up with an idea and it was so far from God's plan. My flight instinct had kicked in and it was going full blast. I had decided that first I would offer him money to just sign over his rights, (i know your probably laughing but it was the best I could come up with in such short notice). My back up plan was even worse, If he didn't take the money I was going to pack our bags and Brooklynn and I would leave the country for a year. See how rampant and silly our minds go when we block God out. I finally had had just about enough. I was on my way to mom and dads and my head and heart was worn out. I just stopped on the road and said, "God, I am so sorry. I give this whole situation to you. Lord, you have done so many miracles for us how could I have thought such silly things. I just pray that somehow you would allow him to sign his rights over. More than that Lord I pray that we never have to even see the judge." I don't know about you but sometimes I pray and believe that God hears and other times I pray and I KNOW that God hears. That was one prayer I know that God heard.
The next morning was court. I woke up and thought my face felt a little weird. I walked in the bathroom looked in the mirror and I was covered in whelks. One of me eyes was almost completely swelled shut. Then I went to get in my car and had a flat tire. I knew then that something good was about to happen. We went to the Courthouse and due to construction we had to meet in this little tiny room. We were squished in there like sardines. I stared at the clock to keep from having to look at him sitting right in front of me. It was 8:50 and his attorney bent down to me and asked if we could talk in private. We walked out side and he said," Ms.King this is a strange request and you may not agree with it but I have to ask anyway. He is asking that you would allow him to relinquish all rights to your daughter." Tears streamed down my face and I said this is what I have been praying for. He smiled so big at me, hugged my neck and said, "I remember what you told me that day about somethings aren't worth taking money for and you were exactly right." My attorney came in and held me and we cried together. She handed me a paper and said, "we don't even have to see the judge." I just looked up and smiled at God just as he had smiled on me that day. On our way home we were calling everyone. It was official, Timmy was the proud father of a baby girl. She weighed 32lbs and was 35 inches tall. Even tho I was so happy I still cried. I cried because of two reasons, one was that I couldn't believe that someone could just hand over something so precious? She was our treasure, how could anyone sleep at night and not see those great big eyelashes or wake up and not see her smiling face. To have given her up for me would have been unimaginable.The 2nd reason I cried was because for the very first time he had finally done the right thing for Brooklynn and I had finally forgiven him. I could finally be free, free of night mares, free of those dreaded thoughts and worries, free of every angry thought that I had bottled up in my heart and mind. Free of everything!
Now, if you notice at the beginning of this post I wrote how that a few weeks before this I had prayed that God would somehow, someway allow Timmy to adopt Brooklynn. Well, this was God's way of allowing this to happen. If only I had know from the beginning I could have saved my self alot of worrying and lost sleep, even a few silly thoughts. But just as I said before, all things work together for good of those who love him. Sometimes we go through somethings that seems the total opposite of God's will.We think that God has simply abandoned us, hung us out to dry but he hasn't. Often we have to walk through the valley to get to the top of the mountain. Simply put...trust in him, dont look at the situation and watch what he will do. Through him, we are winners everytime!
The best kiss I ever got
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
#8-Raising Brooke, Serious Business or Monkey Business??
Brooklynns deteriorating health had its serious side, like the numerous hospital stays her needing constant care and other issues but that didn't keep it from being fun. Sure it was scary when her fever would spike in the middle of the night and we would have to rush her to the hospital (and no it never got easier, I think it got harder) but God always gave us laughter. Brooklynn didn't talk but she let us know what she wanted with her actions and her eyes. She loved loved loved to watch TV so the last time I tried to put her little chunky body in a pair of tights I held her up and tried to shake her into them. With sweat rolling of my brow I put her back down and informed her that she needed to go on Jenny Craig. She cackled out laughing.
Every morning Timmy took her to school he would sing Happy Birthday and tell her it was her birthday. Then he would sing Brookie Brookie Brookie is my chocolate chip cookie. She couldn't set in a car seat so until we got a van with a lift in it we would have to lay her in the seat and strap the belt around her. Well, one morning while Timmy was singing he forgot to strap her in and she rolled right out into the floor! He stopped and picked her up and she just looked at him as to say,"you really are crazy aren't you."
Brooklynn also had a weak stomach and would projectile vomit. We was watching Passion of the Christ the first year it came out at the movies. There was this man in front of us who had his hair glued to his head in hairspray. The whole movie he kept rubbing the back of his head making sure nothing was out of place. Well...on the scene where they beat Jesus Brooklynn lost it and guess where it went. Yea well lets just say she and I snuck out and he probably didn't receive salvation that day, lol.
On one vacation we were at a really nice restaurant when I noticed Brooke needed her diaper changed. There was no place to lay her because she was so big so I took her out to the van and tried to very discretely change her. The parking lot was filling fast so in my efforts to hurry I jerked her diaper off. It is no secret that anything hard and shaped like a ball will roll so, here it goes rolling down the parking lot. It was like slow motion going right in front of the feet of the people entering the restaurant! Timmy said go get it and I said what am I suppose to do chase it down the parking lot and say, "excuse me this belongs to me". Let's just call it "the one that got away", LOL.
When Brooklynn was around 3 I started noticing changes in her body, ones that weren't normal. I took her to the doctor and they send her to an endocrinologist. He called Brooklynn a Princess and he asked her if he put a pea under her mattress would she fell it because she was so pampered. He then diagnosed her with early puberty. Her pituitary gland had been damaged from the stroke so it had no idea how old she was and sent her into puberty. They gave her a shot every month to slow it down but by first grade it was pretty noticeable. The night before the first day of school I was crying to Timmy about it. I said, "how many 1st graders have breast, I feel so sorry for her". Timmy looked so funny and said, "That's not a bad thing. She'll stroll into her class room raise her shirt and say...look girls, I bet none of you all have a set of these!"
Sure, I did my share to. Like the time I accidentally put her ear drops in her eyes, and the time I fell with her in the parking lot and how could I ever forget when she was in ICU and I clipped her nails and cut her finger. It wouldn't have been so bad but I jumped up and asked the nurse if she needed to go to the ER???? But who's keeping score..right??
We had a bad situation but God always gave us laughter. The Bible says if you sew tears you will reap joy. We sewed many tears but the joy of having her was unimaginable!
Every morning Timmy took her to school he would sing Happy Birthday and tell her it was her birthday. Then he would sing Brookie Brookie Brookie is my chocolate chip cookie. She couldn't set in a car seat so until we got a van with a lift in it we would have to lay her in the seat and strap the belt around her. Well, one morning while Timmy was singing he forgot to strap her in and she rolled right out into the floor! He stopped and picked her up and she just looked at him as to say,"you really are crazy aren't you."
Brooklynn also had a weak stomach and would projectile vomit. We was watching Passion of the Christ the first year it came out at the movies. There was this man in front of us who had his hair glued to his head in hairspray. The whole movie he kept rubbing the back of his head making sure nothing was out of place. Well...on the scene where they beat Jesus Brooklynn lost it and guess where it went. Yea well lets just say she and I snuck out and he probably didn't receive salvation that day, lol.
On one vacation we were at a really nice restaurant when I noticed Brooke needed her diaper changed. There was no place to lay her because she was so big so I took her out to the van and tried to very discretely change her. The parking lot was filling fast so in my efforts to hurry I jerked her diaper off. It is no secret that anything hard and shaped like a ball will roll so, here it goes rolling down the parking lot. It was like slow motion going right in front of the feet of the people entering the restaurant! Timmy said go get it and I said what am I suppose to do chase it down the parking lot and say, "excuse me this belongs to me". Let's just call it "the one that got away", LOL.
When Brooklynn was around 3 I started noticing changes in her body, ones that weren't normal. I took her to the doctor and they send her to an endocrinologist. He called Brooklynn a Princess and he asked her if he put a pea under her mattress would she fell it because she was so pampered. He then diagnosed her with early puberty. Her pituitary gland had been damaged from the stroke so it had no idea how old she was and sent her into puberty. They gave her a shot every month to slow it down but by first grade it was pretty noticeable. The night before the first day of school I was crying to Timmy about it. I said, "how many 1st graders have breast, I feel so sorry for her". Timmy looked so funny and said, "That's not a bad thing. She'll stroll into her class room raise her shirt and say...look girls, I bet none of you all have a set of these!"
Sure, I did my share to. Like the time I accidentally put her ear drops in her eyes, and the time I fell with her in the parking lot and how could I ever forget when she was in ICU and I clipped her nails and cut her finger. It wouldn't have been so bad but I jumped up and asked the nurse if she needed to go to the ER???? But who's keeping score..right??
We had a bad situation but God always gave us laughter. The Bible says if you sew tears you will reap joy. We sewed many tears but the joy of having her was unimaginable!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
#7- School Days
Brooklynn required pretty intensive therapy and lots of it.I enrolled her in therapy in Knoxville and we would drive there 2-3 times a week (when she wasn't in the hospital). So, when the big day came that she turned 3 the only way to get those therapies was to enroll her in school. I couldn't believe she had to go to school at 3! Now, if you don't have them in school by 3 they say they get behind?? Wow, times have changed. So, I enrolled her in the preschool program there where we lived. The first week of school was about to begin and the teacher wanted to meet with me. I went to talk to her and she said that Brooklynn couldn't start school that week. She was afraid that her disabilities would scare the other children so she needed a week to explain some things to them. She said that she was going to tie their arms together and legs together to show them what it was like for Brooke not to be able to move well. I said OK and a week later she started. My dad and Timmy were furious. They said they would have never even noticed her disability had they not made such a big deal about. I was OK with it tho, we had been through so much that that was a mild bump in the road. A few weeks went by and I went with her everyday. The kids loved her, (especially the boys). I told her they were only using her for her cool wheels (wheelchair), lol. Timmy and I had decided that we needed to move to Somerset. We put our house up for sale and looked at some houses up here. We found the perfect house for us but still needed to sell ours. We began to pray and a knock came to the door, it was a buyer! The exact amount we needed for a down payment on our new home was the exact amount they gave us down! We knew that was confirmation that we had done the right thing. I didn't want to leave my family so the one condition for us moving tho was that Timmy would go to church where I picked because I had been going with him since we were married. He agreed and after the first service he was hooked!
The new move meant a new school and that for me was scary, especially after what we had been through. I had requested her records but after 2 weeks the school had not received them. I finally called the director of the special education dept and while he had the phone down I heard him say, "Send the records she's not our problem anymore". Now, let me say I don't get angry easy. I can probably count on both hands the times that I was angry, angry enough to cry and every time it was over my girls. There's an old say that hell hath no furry like a woman scorned. They should have replaced woman with mother. My very sweet pastors wife said once that if you want to see me make a complete fool of myself then mess with my children. How right she was. I got into my car and drove 30 mins straight to his office. I walked in and my friend was the receptionist she looked at me and said, "are you ok". I said "I am, but he's not going to be". I sat there and bawled like a baby in anger. He opened that door and I said,"I have came to tell you one thing and one thing only. My child is not a problem, these children who are handicapped are not problems, if you feel like they are then you need to find a new job. Now, where are her records". He gave me the records and I left.
I took the new records and enrolled her in Southern Elem. Brooklynn not only got a new school that day but we got a new family. The kids absolutely adored her. Her first day she got a note from a boy telling her how cute she was. They never noticed her disabilities. It was so funny, 2 yrs later one little classmate walked up to me and said, "Ms. King, why cant Brookie walk". I said, "well, her legs don't work. We are still waiting on God to fix them but until then he gave her these cool wheels:. She said, "Oh, ok" and went back to playing and that was the only time in her 8 yrs there that I even remember anyone asking. Brooklynn felt so at home there, every morning Timmy would take her and they would roll down the halls and she would say hi to all of the teachers and her little friends. I went with her for 2 yrs but after that I knew it was time to separate. I was offered a teaching job at Headstart and took it so that we could still be on the same schedule. The first morning I left her there I was sitting in the parking lot crying. One of the lunch ladies pecked on my window. She asked if I was ok and I was so embarrassed. I said yes but I've realized something today. I always thought Brooklynn couldn't make it without me, that she needed me but all along I needed her. I remember her teacher told me once that another teacher was talking about how sorry she felt for me. I thought how could someone fell sorry for me, I have the best child in the whole world. I could not have asked for a more loving, sweet daughter. She ate anything we gave her, wore anything I put on her, let me fix her hair anyway I wanted to. I always told her that she was just a little angel that fell straight from heaven and landed in my arms.
The new move meant a new school and that for me was scary, especially after what we had been through. I had requested her records but after 2 weeks the school had not received them. I finally called the director of the special education dept and while he had the phone down I heard him say, "Send the records she's not our problem anymore". Now, let me say I don't get angry easy. I can probably count on both hands the times that I was angry, angry enough to cry and every time it was over my girls. There's an old say that hell hath no furry like a woman scorned. They should have replaced woman with mother. My very sweet pastors wife said once that if you want to see me make a complete fool of myself then mess with my children. How right she was. I got into my car and drove 30 mins straight to his office. I walked in and my friend was the receptionist she looked at me and said, "are you ok". I said "I am, but he's not going to be". I sat there and bawled like a baby in anger. He opened that door and I said,"I have came to tell you one thing and one thing only. My child is not a problem, these children who are handicapped are not problems, if you feel like they are then you need to find a new job. Now, where are her records". He gave me the records and I left.
I took the new records and enrolled her in Southern Elem. Brooklynn not only got a new school that day but we got a new family. The kids absolutely adored her. Her first day she got a note from a boy telling her how cute she was. They never noticed her disabilities. It was so funny, 2 yrs later one little classmate walked up to me and said, "Ms. King, why cant Brookie walk". I said, "well, her legs don't work. We are still waiting on God to fix them but until then he gave her these cool wheels:. She said, "Oh, ok" and went back to playing and that was the only time in her 8 yrs there that I even remember anyone asking. Brooklynn felt so at home there, every morning Timmy would take her and they would roll down the halls and she would say hi to all of the teachers and her little friends. I went with her for 2 yrs but after that I knew it was time to separate. I was offered a teaching job at Headstart and took it so that we could still be on the same schedule. The first morning I left her there I was sitting in the parking lot crying. One of the lunch ladies pecked on my window. She asked if I was ok and I was so embarrassed. I said yes but I've realized something today. I always thought Brooklynn couldn't make it without me, that she needed me but all along I needed her. I remember her teacher told me once that another teacher was talking about how sorry she felt for me. I thought how could someone fell sorry for me, I have the best child in the whole world. I could not have asked for a more loving, sweet daughter. She ate anything we gave her, wore anything I put on her, let me fix her hair anyway I wanted to. I always told her that she was just a little angel that fell straight from heaven and landed in my arms.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)