Romans 8:28 says, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose, this is the scripture that we seemed to live by throughout Brooklynns life. It would seem that whatever sickness, whatever adversary we faced that day or that week we would place it in God's hands and it would be done. But there comes a time when things catch us off guard and our Fight or Flight kicks in and Flight seems like the quickest and easiest way out, which brings me to my next blog.
Brooklynn was 5 and had started her first year in her new kindergarten class and I was a Headstart teacher at Burnside Elementary. All was well in life concerning our new family but there was always that little voice in the back of my mind that said, "I wonder when her real dad or what we always referred to as "sperm donor" will show back up?" After our divorce because of the abuse he was only allowed 2 hours every other week visitation and that was only if he completed the parenting classes. It wasn't long until he no longer kept up the visitation and soon after we moved to Somerset. Every now and then I would pass him on the road and he would stare at me as to say, "you better be scared of me". But after awhile I just stared back and prayed that I didn't run him off the road for the things he had said and done to us. So I began to pray that God would somehow, someway allow Timmy to adopt Brooklynn. It seemed such a stretch to pray such a thing but look what God had already done for us and after all is anything to difficult for him?
A couple of weeks later while I was teaching class a knock came on the classroom door, it was an attorney. He said Ms.King, I'm here to inform you that you are being served. "Served? For What?" "Well, your ex-husband is wanting visitation ." I said "Why? why does he want to see her now, it has been years since he saw her last and now he wants to see her, this makes no sense?" But then he told me the real reason and it of course had to do with money. I was furious. I said, "Sir, you have no idea who you are representing", and he said, "I'm just getting paid to do my job", and I said, "somethings aren't worth the money". He left and I walked back into my room angry and crying. I couldn't believe that God was allowing this to happen. I reasoned over and over in my mind what would happen. What if the judge didn't listen to me, what if he believed him instead? How could I bare to make her spend time with him and besides that what about her health, it was so fragile. How could he feed her? She only ate for me and her aide. I was an absolute wreck.
After much plotting and pondering I came up with an idea and it was so far from God's plan. My flight instinct had kicked in and it was going full blast. I had decided that first I would offer him money to just sign over his rights, (i know your probably laughing but it was the best I could come up with in such short notice). My back up plan was even worse, If he didn't take the money I was going to pack our bags and Brooklynn and I would leave the country for a year. See how rampant and silly our minds go when we block God out. I finally had had just about enough. I was on my way to mom and dads and my head and heart was worn out. I just stopped on the road and said, "God, I am so sorry. I give this whole situation to you. Lord, you have done so many miracles for us how could I have thought such silly things. I just pray that somehow you would allow him to sign his rights over. More than that Lord I pray that we never have to even see the judge." I don't know about you but sometimes I pray and believe that God hears and other times I pray and I KNOW that God hears. That was one prayer I know that God heard.
The next morning was court. I woke up and thought my face felt a little weird. I walked in the bathroom looked in the mirror and I was covered in whelks. One of me eyes was almost completely swelled shut. Then I went to get in my car and had a flat tire. I knew then that something good was about to happen. We went to the Courthouse and due to construction we had to meet in this little tiny room. We were squished in there like sardines. I stared at the clock to keep from having to look at him sitting right in front of me. It was 8:50 and his attorney bent down to me and asked if we could talk in private. We walked out side and he said," Ms.King this is a strange request and you may not agree with it but I have to ask anyway. He is asking that you would allow him to relinquish all rights to your daughter." Tears streamed down my face and I said this is what I have been praying for. He smiled so big at me, hugged my neck and said, "I remember what you told me that day about somethings aren't worth taking money for and you were exactly right." My attorney came in and held me and we cried together. She handed me a paper and said, "we don't even have to see the judge." I just looked up and smiled at God just as he had smiled on me that day. On our way home we were calling everyone. It was official, Timmy was the proud father of a baby girl. She weighed 32lbs and was 35 inches tall. Even tho I was so happy I still cried. I cried because of two reasons, one was that I couldn't believe that someone could just hand over something so precious? She was our treasure, how could anyone sleep at night and not see those great big eyelashes or wake up and not see her smiling face. To have given her up for me would have been unimaginable.The 2nd reason I cried was because for the very first time he had finally done the right thing for Brooklynn and I had finally forgiven him. I could finally be free, free of night mares, free of those dreaded thoughts and worries, free of every angry thought that I had bottled up in my heart and mind. Free of everything!
Now, if you notice at the beginning of this post I wrote how that a few weeks before this I had prayed that God would somehow, someway allow Timmy to adopt Brooklynn. Well, this was God's way of allowing this to happen. If only I had know from the beginning I could have saved my self alot of worrying and lost sleep, even a few silly thoughts. But just as I said before, all things work together for good of those who love him. Sometimes we go through somethings that seems the total opposite of God's will.We think that God has simply abandoned us, hung us out to dry but he hasn't. Often we have to walk through the valley to get to the top of the mountain. Simply put...trust in him, dont look at the situation and watch what he will do. Through him, we are winners everytime!