The best kiss I ever got

The best kiss I ever got

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

#26 Her last day on earth

In just a few minutes Monica was there. The morphine had increased from every 30 minutes to every 15 minutes. It was also becoming more and more difficult for her to swallow. I was mentally and physically exhausted. My legs cramped up from dehydration where I had cried so much. Monica told me that if I would lay down there by here and take a small nap that she would wake me in 15 minutes when it was time for her meds again. About 4am I fell asleep and at 5am I woke up in a panic. I was sure that I had forgotten her medicine but sweet Monica had given it to her just like clockwork and written down the times for me.
My sisters called all of our family and friends to let them know that she only had hours to live. My dad who was a hermit but was absolutely crazy over Brooklynn was on his way there. He became so overwhelmed in fear and panic attacks that he had to turn around and gone back home. I was so disappointed that he wasn't there but just in a few minutes he made it there. That meant so much for me because he truly was a hermit. He was very nervous around people and seldom ever left his home. I knew it took alot out of him but he did it because he loved her so much.
With her oxygen turned as high as it would go and morphine every 15 minutes to keep the seizures down Brooklynn just slept so angelically. The presence of God was so strong there in her room. It was almost like you could see heaven begin to open up and angels surround her. I have never experienced anything so spiritual in my entire life. With only me, Timmy, Tab, Dr Fackler and Monica by her bedside I held her hand with tears barrelling down I began to sing in her ear this song...tenderly lovingly Jesus is calling, calling for you and for me...come home...come home.. I wanted her to be at peace. Now don't get me wrong I wanted to kick scream fight and beg God to make it stop but it wasn't about me. It was about Brooklynn and this was her time not mine. I began to feel sick so I stepped into our master bath and leaned over the commode when I heard that sweet little girls voice say "Bye Mommy". I rushed back in there and she took her final little breath. She was now in the presence of her sweet Father who was about to give her everything I couldn't. I would imagine that her crown was so big that it barely fit her sweet head.
Our Pastor stepped in to say his goodbyes. When he stepped back out Monica told me to step out and her and Dr Fackler would clean her up and dress her then everyone could come in and see her. I immediately said no. I would clean her, dress her and fix her hair. This had been my responsibility for almost 11 years and I was not about to let her down today.
I got her ready and if you ask anyone that was there that day they will all tell you the same thing...that she looked like a sleeping angel. She had her earrings in, hairbow in, her limited too on and her matching blanket that had Brooklynn embroidered on it. After a couple of hours it was time to call the funeral home to come and get her. When the caretakers arrived (Richard New) they were the sweetest men I had ever met. He asked us all to go outside to the back of the house and he assured me without me having to ask that he would not cover her head up. Everyone left but we stayed. I couldn't bare to let her go without being there. As they rolled out of the driveway we stood there just holding each other. Although Brooke was no longer there  it was as if they were taking her away. All of a sudden someone poked their head out of the garage. It was our Pastor. Brooklynn was his baby and he had hid in the garage and watched just to make sure they treated her ok.
Oh and remember the rose, well, Brooklynn was taken out the front door just past it. By that evening, the dying rose began to bloom. And the story doesn't end here. There will be a few more blogs as God continued to do more things through Brooklynns life and her Funeral.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

#25 The day before

After seeing Brooklynn and begging for strength I knew we did not have long with her. If you ever want to feel Gods presence in a way that you have never felt before go to the bed of a christian who is about to enter Heaven. I promise that it was like God himself was in that room. There was such a sweetness in the midst of the despair.The only way I know to explain it is that it was almost as if you couldnt be sad because you could fill the joy of heaven. Our friends and family began to call other friends and family members to let them come see Brooklynn. We had a lot of visitors that day and most all of them said the same thing, that is was the most peaceful thing they had ever seen. She simply just slept.
We gathered some photos for a video that one of our friends was working on for the funeral. It reminded me of how many good memories we had. We had so much fun and just had lived every day just like there would be 1000 more. I never woke up and thought "what if Brooklynn dies today." I can honestly say up until these past few weeks the thought of her dying had never ever entered my mind and I'm so glad it didnt. Because if I had woke up with those glooming thoughts every day we would not have had those pictures or those memories. Brooklynns life would have been lived in a bubble. She would have never heard the sounds of the ocean, felt the sand in her feet, rode on a merry go round, swung at the park, made friends at school, greeted at church, or touched any lives. Noone would have knew she existed all because of fear.
We all sat by Brooklynns side, holding those sweet little hands that had now turned completely grey and remembering what a good life we all had together and being so thankful that God had blessed  and honored us to be her parents.
After a little while I walked outside on the front porch to get some air and think. As i sat there looking around I noticed a singe rose beside the porch. I thought it was funny that it was there since the year before my husband had tore it down. I remembered that one red rose meant I love you and due to the excessive heat the rose was black and dying. I thought to myself, that rose has some meaning that God is trying to show me. I didnt know at the time what it was so I just placed it in the back of mind.
God blessed us with such a good day with Brooklynn but that night she took a turn for the worse. A about 7pm or so the seizures came back and were violent. The one thing that we didnt want to do we now had to and that was give her morphine. We started out giving it to her every hour but that wasnt enough. We soon had to give it to her every 30 minutes. Monica her Hospice nurse and Dr F who had been there all day helped us give the meds.  A little while after that they went home. Brooklynn progressively grew worse but I hated to call Monica because she had spent so much time with us and away from her family. Finally at 2am I called her. She picked up on the first ring. I said," I am so sorry to wake you" and she said you didnt wake me God did and I"m dressed and on my way, he told me it was time.....