The best kiss I ever got

The best kiss I ever got

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

#19- How do I tell her??

The word spread quickly of Brooklynn. Before we knew it there was people every where willing and ready to work and do whatever we asked them. It was the most amazing outpouring of Gods love I had ever seen. Our friends moved in with us, our family took leaves from work to stay with us, breakfast lunch and dinner was there just like clockwork, laundry was done daily and the house cleaned nightly so all we had to do was sit and talk to Brooklynn and take care of her. But in the middle of all of this only 1 person didn't know what was going on and that was Brooklynn.
One of my favorite places at my old house was my back porch. I loved it there. Most of the time Brooklynn and I would sit out there. She would swing and I would pray. It was so peaceful and tho it wasn't an actual closet it was my prayer closet. When I was hurt or upset or needed to have a heart to heart with God that's where I went. Now I needed his help more that ever before so off to the back porch I went. I remember  a saying "God give us the strength and the courage to tell her. She deserves to know what is going on and I want to be honest with her. Please Lord don't let her be scared and don't let me be scared either. I need the words to speak". Then of course I broke down again and begged God to let me keep her. I know it was selfish but my goodness she was all I had! I needed her!
The next day Brooke's Dr told me a story that totally changed how I looked at things. She told me about a hospital that she worked in and there was a girl there in a wheelchair. She was sick and soon another Dr told our Dr that she would soon die. She was so scared that she avoided the little girl. Every time she would see her she turned and went the other way until one day  she caught up with her. The little girl who had wisdom beyond her years looked at our Dr and said, "I want to see you in my room, today!" All day she dreaded going in there but after her rounds she kept her word and went to her room. The little girl looked at her and said, "you have been avoiding me". The Dr said, "yes your right, I have." She then said, "You know that I'm dying don't you. You know I'm dying so you ignored me? Do you know why children like me suffer?.....Because selfish people like you won't let us go..
Brooke's Dr had no idea that story was meant for me. It was time for me to let go. I loved Brooklynn so much that I had to do the selfless thing and let her go. It wasn't about me and how I felt anymore it was about letting Brooklynn finally have the peace and joy that she forever had deserved. I thought no one else could take care of her but there was one who loved her even more than I did, who wanted to hold her just as I did and wanted to give her that healing and pain free life that I had prayed for 10 almost 11 years for. He didn't want to punish me by taking Brooklynn away he wanted to bless me by making her whole and giving her everything her little heart desired.He was giving her everything that I couldn't.  That's the kind of God that I serve.
So laying aside our selfishness, putting a smile on our faces, Timmy and I took her hands and began to explain. We began to tell her all about heaven, we named  all of our family that was there that she would finally get to meet or see again. We explained how that she would finally be able to ride that bike we had promised her but this time it would have golden wheels and a great big fog horn that would let everyone know to get out of her way. We talked about how that she would be given new legs that worked so that she could finally run and play and roller skate. And then finally, we then pinched our hearts and placed it in her little hands, closed them up and told her that tho we couldn't go with her she could take a piece of our hearts with her and we would keep a piece of hers here with us. And, not to be scared because Jesus who we had told her about her whole life would be right there to take care of her until we got there.
 I could never explain to you the smile that was on Brooke's face as we talked to her that day. I know that God had given her peace about what was going on. We wasn't loosing Brooklynn, we know where she was going...... to Heaven

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