#25 The day before

After seeing Brooklynn and begging for strength I knew we did not have long with her. If you ever want to feel Gods presence in a way that you have never felt before go to the bed of a christian who is about to enter Heaven. I promise that it was like God himself was in that room. There was such a sweetness in the midst of the despair.The only way I know to explain it is that it was almost as if you couldnt be sad because you could fill the joy of heaven. Our friends and family began to call other friends and family members to let them come see Brooklynn. We had a lot of visitors that day and most all of them said the same thing, that is was the most peaceful thing they had ever seen. She simply just slept.
We gathered some photos for a video that one of our friends was working on for the funeral. It reminded me of how many good memories we had. We had so much fun and just had lived every day just like there would be 1000 more. I never woke up and thought "what if Brooklynn dies today." I can honestly say up until these past few weeks the thought of her dying had never ever entered my mind and I'm so glad it didnt. Because if I had woke up with those glooming thoughts every day we would not have had those pictures or those memories. Brooklynns life would have been lived in a bubble. She would have never heard the sounds of the ocean, felt the sand in her feet, rode on a merry go round, swung at the park, made friends at school, greeted at church, or touched any lives. Noone would have knew she existed all because of fear.
We all sat by Brooklynns side, holding those sweet little hands that had now turned completely grey and remembering what a good life we all had together and being so thankful that God had blessed  and honored us to be her parents.
After a little while I walked outside on the front porch to get some air and think. As i sat there looking around I noticed a singe rose beside the porch. I thought it was funny that it was there since the year before my husband had tore it down. I remembered that one red rose meant I love you and due to the excessive heat the rose was black and dying. I thought to myself, that rose has some meaning that God is trying to show me. I didnt know at the time what it was so I just placed it in the back of mind.
God blessed us with such a good day with Brooklynn but that night she took a turn for the worse. A about 7pm or so the seizures came back and were violent. The one thing that we didnt want to do we now had to and that was give her morphine. We started out giving it to her every hour but that wasnt enough. We soon had to give it to her every 30 minutes. Monica her Hospice nurse and Dr F who had been there all day helped us give the meds.  A little while after that they went home. Brooklynn progressively grew worse but I hated to call Monica because she had spent so much time with us and away from her family. Finally at 2am I called her. She picked up on the first ring. I said," I am so sorry to wake you" and she said you didnt wake me God did and I"m dressed and on my way, he told me it was time.....