The best kiss I ever got

The best kiss I ever got

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

#23 Our last Mother's Day

The days were narrowing down. Brooklynn was barely drinking any liquids, I would try to get her to drink by taking a medicine dropper and giving her sips of Pedialyte. Her little chest sounded so rattly. I've often heard that before people passed away they would get what is called a "death rattle" and despite numerous patches placed behind her ears it was undeniable that was what we were  hearing. Other than that she just seemed to peacefully sleep. Our concerns about her getting bedsores began to grow. We got her up and bathed her everyday, turned her every hour but the lack of nutrients in her skin from not eating was breaking it down and would soon cause a bedsore. I've always heard that they are very painful often exposing the bones, a horrifying thought for a mother who's child was in Brooke's condition.
With our sleep schedules going in shifts days seemed to run into each other. Saturday was almost over and I realized that Sunday was Mothers Day. Not only was it Mothers Day but for me it would be my last Mothers Day with Brooklynn. I began to pray and ask God to please not take her from me that day. To please wait and let us spend that day together and being the good God that he is he answered my prayer.
At 3 am Brooklynn woke up. It was Timmys shift to set up with her and he was ecstatic to see those big brown eyes. He immediately grabbed the camcorder and began recording me a Mothers Day present, one that i would cherish for ever. There she was with those little brown eyes sweet as can be staring at the camera. Timmy said, "Brooklynn lets tell mommy happy mothers day". With all of the strength she could gather up within her she tried to smile and it was precious. A little time went by and she was off to her sweet sleep again.
Sitting by her bed that Mothers Day gave me lots of time to think and I had so many thoughts racing through my mind. It was like the devil was on one shoulder and an Angel on the other. I would think, "next year I'm going to have to spend Mothers Day at the cemetary mourning over a grave" but then I would say to myself  "Stop! You cant think that way, yes you will be a the cemetary but Brooklynn will be in heaven with JESUS! She will finally be healed. Dont deprive her of her reward!" I told Jesus when Brooke had her stroke that whether he chose to take her or let me keep her I would serve him no matter what. He had more than lived up to his end of the deal and now it was time for me to live up to mine.
The thoughts went on and on. Then I thought of all of the good times and there were soooo many. Brooklynn didn't talk,  but God had such away of allowing us to communicate with each other. For instance..I would wake up in the middle of the night from an intense dream of Brooklynn and I having a conversation. The strange thing was...she would be awake looking at me too. Then there was the time when her hip trouble had began and she was having to sleep propped up on the love seat, I slept beside her on the couch. It was the middle of the night and I heard a little girls voice wake me up and say, "mommy I'm sick". I woke straight up, looked at Brooklynn and she vomited everywhere. But the time I will never forget is when we were in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. I had been in deep conversation with God on the way there about Brooke. I said, "Lord, I love her so much, I've never in my life loved anyone like I do her. Is there anyway that you can let me know that she loves me to." It was a silly request I know but non the less it was a desire of my heart and God says he will give us the desires of our heart. I parked the car there at WalMart to do my Saturday shopping, got her stroller out, went around to her door, lifted her out, placed her in the strolled and all of a sudden she looked me straight in the eyes and in that same little girl voice I had heard so many times before in my dreams the words, "I love you mommy" came. They didn't come out of her mouth but I heard them as if they did and I wept like a baby. God had answered my prayer. I knew that day there was more heartache to come but there was also much to be celebrated. It was once said it was better to love and loss than to never loved at all and how true that is.
Our last Mothers Day together was such a special one. Timmy bought me the sweetest gifts, Tabetha made me the most awesome scrapbook ever, my sister sent me cheesecake packed on dry ice, My sister in laws and sisters bought me several gifts but the best gift of all was holding her and having her there with me. What more could a mother ever ask for.

1 comment:

  1. Wow never cease to amaze me. I hope all Christians experience your walk with God at some point in their lives. It is so easy to say we know God, but it is so awesome to actually be in His presence. Your faith is a continual blessing to me. We had a talk a few days ago about the loss of Dale's child many years ago. I hope the two of you can talk and share that experience some time. I think it would be good for Dale. Love you.