The best kiss I ever got

The best kiss I ever got

Sunday, April 10, 2011

#15 The news that no parent ever wants to hear- part 1

As I mentioned in my last blog it was Brooklynns last year at Southern Elem at I was so worried about how she would make it at middle school with Ms. Linda. In was leaning more and more toward the idea of just quitting my job and staying home with her when suddenly things took a different turn.
Brooklynn's hip had become increasingly worse. After 3 or 4 sets of the injections sadly they were no longer working. Her hip was so painful that she had to sleep sitting straight up on the couch with her leg propped up every night and I slept right beside her. She had had her birthday party right before school started and everyone commented on how swollen she was. I hadn't noticed it but now looking back at her birthday pictures I don't know how I missed it, she weighed 105lbs!. People would constantly say, "what are you going to do, she is getting so big?" I would say, "God is going to work it out, I trust him., " Or i would say, " Maybe Ill just strap her to my belt and put roller skates on her". I didn't worry one time about the next day or even that day. God had brought her this far and I knew he would continue to take care of her. As long as he had given us the strength to lift her that's what we would do.
Finally her Dr at Shriners said that we were out of options with her hip. We would have to consult her heart dr to see if she could have the surgery.We were so excited to see her heart doctor. She had been her doctor for years and was in a wheel chair too.She adored Brooke along with all of her patients. After a catch-up session she did an echo cardiogram on her heart and said it looked good, all except for her right valve that was leaking a little. That was minor tho compared to what all had been done to her heart. I told her our concerns and she said something to me that made me feel like all the world got quiet and listened. She said, "Millie, what is worse? Living like she is in this pain or dying? What is wrong with going to Heaven anyway? I thought about that and I said you are right. I mean we live our whole life to get to heaven but then we are scared to death to go there?? It doesn't really make sense does it. Even though I thought that, I knew that God wouldn't let her die. To me, she was indestructible. She had lived through everything under the sun from chicken pox to pneumonia. She was 10 yrs old and had been in the hospital 7 out of those 10 yrs.
I informed her that Brooke was going to live a long life of good health and prosperity according to my prayers,  so she said , "Well then, if she is going to live a long life we need to get her fixed." But before I could even schedule her for surgery things started happening. I picked her up from school that week and she was terribly sleepy, so sleepy in fact that she was strangled... and couldn't even wake up to cough. Both of her feet were swollen the size of footballs, and her teachers thought she was having small seizures at school. Just a few months before that she had had a major seizure on Timmy and I that landed her an extensive stay in the hospital.
So,  I made her an appointment at her local dr here to see what was going on. She looked at her and said that she felt like her hip was infected. I know that everyone makes mistakes and doctors really just guess like we do but something was not feeling right deep inside. God allows a mother to know when their children are sick and I knew something was wrong. I called her heart doctor and she immediately told me to bring her in. Timmy couldn't go with me that day so Greg (nanna n poppas son) went with me. After all, we had just been there the week before and everything was perfect. She would just check her out, give her some meds and we would be on our merry way. That's not quiet what happened.
 I will never forget that day as long as I live. Here I was playing with Brooke as usual in a room that was grey with no windows. The nurse walked in, asked me some questions, I answered them. Nothing unusual just the same old stuff. Then came Dr Cottrill, she said "How is my baby and what is going on?" I told her about her sleeping so much and how her feet were swollen. She asked me if she could step out for a minute, I said yes.
I thought that odd but thought there must have been an emergency, no big deal. A few minutes later she came back in but not by herself. This time she had a nurse with her. She said, " Millie,you need to set down.I don't know how to tell you this but there comes a time in children like Brooke's life that Jesus just needs them in heaven and he calls them home." "What???? Are you crazy?" I thought. The only way describe that moment was like this..I felt like I was in a bad dream and those walls were falling in on me and there was no way out. It was as if someone was playing a really bad joke on me and they would jump out any minute and there would be some relief. After I took a minute to really grasp hold of what she was saying I looked at her and said, "what are you talking about?" She then repeated herself. After I listened to the whole thing again and a little more I said," How can you tell me this. How can you possibly know how long she will live? You haven't ran one test on her you haven't even done blood work and your looking at her telling me that she is going to die." I don't know if I was mad, in disbelief or just in total shock. She then looked at me and said something I never expected. She said, " Millie, the reason I know this is because my daughter was just like Brooke and she died of the very same thing."
I was absolutely speechless. At that moment, I knew that she knew exactly what she was talking about.

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