The best kiss I ever got

The best kiss I ever got

Sunday, April 17, 2011

#16 The news that no parent ever wants to hear-part 2

After our lengthy conversation one thing I remembered Dr. Cottrill  telling me was that if Brooklynn got the least bit sick or ran a fever to call her and they would admit her in UK and do an MRI. If we had just scheduled one then it would take months and Brooklynn wouldn't live that long. She told me that she would probably pass away in her sleep but not to sit up and watch her all night and last but not least to keep her life as normal as possible. To let her continue to go to school as long as she could.
I walked into the waiting room where Greg was. I don't know what my face looked like but he never said a word. When I got Brooke in the car I told Greg that we had gotten some bad news. I didn't want to tell him the extent because you just have to know Greg-O. I didn't want to scare him.
I drove home with my hands gripping that steering wheel so tight that there was no feeling left in them. My sister called and said," Millie is everything ok? I have a really bad feeling?" I cant remember exactly what I said but I think I told her that the Dr had lost her mind and told me that Brooklynn only had days to live. After I said it out loud I begin to cry. I knew what she told me was truth, I just didn't know how to process it.
I then called Timmy and by this time I was all to pieces. He told me to stay there and he would come get me but I couldn't take my hand off the wheel or my foot off the pedal. It was all stuck and I was frozen. I kept looking in my rear view mirror at Brooklynn thinking how can I tell her? How can I tell her that she only has days to live? Did I let her down? Did I not pray enough? And finally, ..How can I ever live without her? She had only spent 1 night away from us in her entire 10 almost 11 years! She slept with us every nite. If we ate she ate, If we went somewhere she went with us. We were nearly 1 whole person. Our whole life was to make her healthy and happy.
Timmy kept calling me and finally told me to stop at Nanna and Poppas and wait there on him. He had called them and when I got there they were waiting outside. I let go of that steering wheel and stepped out and when I did my legs felt like spaghetti. I couldn't walk. I couldn't think. I've never felt so hopeless in my life.
I still today don't remember how we got there but somehow we got home. When we pulled in there were several of our close friends there from church. I think Pastor Mark was there too. I told them the news and how that Brooklynn only had days to live. I remember them saying what can we do and this is what I replied. " I know that Brooklynn will be ok. I'm praying that God will miraculously heal her but if he chooses to take her and leave me here..don't let me die too. What I meant by that was this...Don't let me be left here a dead woman on the inside, locked in my room, laying in bed, living life but not doing a thing for God and his kingdom. Don't let me grieve myself to death and die spiritually.
That night Timmy and I bought a blow up mattress, laid it in the living room floor and we took turns sleeping. The next morning I got Brooke up, got her dressed and Timmy took her to school singing her favorite songs  just like Dr. Cottrill told us to.
 I was in total and complete shock to the point that I was literally out of my mind. I went to the office, walked in looked at everyone and walked straight back to my office. I set there and stared at the wall for an hour. I then got up walked to the front and looked at Nicole and said,"You are never going to believe what the Dr told us yesterday, she told us Brooklynn has days to live." I remember her asking me if I was ok. I think I said, "I'm going home". I cant really remember I just remember crying and seeing tears running down her face too. I have always hated storms especially driving in them. I called my dad to tell him the news.I dreaded calling him worse than anything in this world. Him and Brooke were best buddies and I didn't think he would be strong enough to survive. It was a heart wrenching conversation to say the least. When I hung up the phone with him I looked around and I was lost on a back road way out somewhere in Nancy and it was coming a horrible storm. I've always been very scared of bad storms but not that day.  I looked up at the sky and thought what can be worse than what we are going through..... let it storm.

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