The best kiss I ever got

The best kiss I ever got

Monday, January 24, 2011

#4 The Second Diagnosis

I spent the night in the hallway outside the ICU door. After a few hours they let me go in and see her for 5 mins at a time. There were so many tubes and somewhere around 24 different meds, 12 of which were vital to her living. The next day she very slowly began to improve a little. She still never woke up. Me and the nurses were standing by her bed talking when suddenly she coded. They grabbed me and shoved me out the door and all I could say was JESUS JESUS. I was no longer out the door then they called me back in and said she was stable again. I whispered in her ear that if she did that to me again I would spank her.
Second day, she still a little better. She wouldn't wake up tho and if I tried to wake her she would shake and jerk. The nurse told me that it was all the medicine she was on and not to be alarmed. I asked the nurse what I needed to pray for that day and she said she needs to urinate because she hadn't since surgery and if she didn't then that was a sign she was shutting down. I said OK and prayed and right before our very eyes her little bag filled with urine. The nurse just laughed and shook her head. She said she believes in miracles now. Day 3 and 4 were a little better still she would not wake up. I hung pictures of herself on her bed to try to get her attention but nothing. I told the nurses and they said they would have the Dr who makes rounds to check her out. That night I was of course by myself, and the Dr came in. He ran same tests and asked that I call my Pastor and my family to come in that morning because he needed to talk to us. Now, there was 3 rooms in that hospital that I remember very well..the Chapel where I spent most of my time, the ICU, and the "bad news room" where they took people in and they came out crying. That's where he wanted to meet, in that room. The next morning there we were. I remember that the Dr was crying so hard that I was more worried about him than what he had to say. He looked me center in the eyes and said it is really bad. When I looked back through your daughters surgery notes I saw where the surgeon accidentally poked a whole in her heart when he was closing her up and she had been dead for 20 mins! During that time her brain got no oxygen to it therefore she suffered a massive stroke. The worst stroke I have ever seen in all of my years of doctoring. You have today to let me know if you want to just take her off of the ventilator and let her die. I asked him what kind of damage had been done and he said, "she will never walk, talk, breath on her own, basically she will be a vegetable and you will have to take care of her the rest of your life". He then said, "don't look at those pictures on her bed because that is not the same baby you have now". I called mom and dad and all my family and told them. They were soon on their way. Meanwhile I went to my favorite place..the Chapel. I layed on the floor with my face laying on an open bible. I remember it like it happened yesterday. I said, "please please show me what to do". Then I knew what to do. The absolutely hardest thing I ever have done in my life. I said, 'Lord, Brooklynn is yours. If you choose to let me keep her I will be so thankful but if you have to take her I will still serve you no matter what". I got up and headed for the door and as I grabbed that door handle I heard his voice so clearly and it was a scripture I had never heard. He said she will live and not die and declare my works!! I ran upstairs and mom and dad was there. The nurses were trying to convince them to have me turn off the ventilator. Dad asked me what I had decided and I told him what God had said and he said OK then, that's what we will believe. I loved my dad because he would uphold me no matter what. So when the nurses would try to talk to him he would say no that's what God told her.
The next day the Dr came in and asked me my decision. I told him what had happened and he was almost angry. He said " well, your not going to get a  miracle, you wont wake up in the morning and get a million dollars", and I said, " I may not wake up and have a million dollars but if I save my money over a period of time Ill get my million, God may not heal her tonight, but he can heal her a little each day". He just shook his head and walked away.  The next few days you would have thought we had committed a crime. The nurses would hardly speak and the Dr def wouldn't. I couldn't understand why they were so upset. Just because she wasn't perfect they thought she shouldn't be allowed to live. And for those of you who are wondering about the surgeon who did all of this, he resigned the day after her surgery. They really felt silly the next day when the little girl who would never breath on her own was over breathing the ventilator. The Dr said he would have to take her off because she would no longer need it. YAY! We were ecstatic. But then the devil tried to raise his ugly head again. The heart Dr said that her foot was purple and that there had been not heart beat in it the past few days. The only option would be to remove it unless they could hear a heartbeat in it soon. I stood up and said, Devil you are not getting her leg. That evening guess what??? There was a heartbeat. It wasn't to much longer until Brookie could be moved to her very own room. You would have thought we had moved to The Hilton. I was so tired of sleeping in the chairs and so was my sisters, lol. We got to the floor but Brooklynn was far from recovered. She was still blind in both eyes. When she looked at you one eye would go up and the other to the side. They wouldn't even line up. She could not cry she meowed like a newborn cat, she couldn't swallow or even suck a pacifier. It really was horrific. One morning after praying I woke up and I said, today Brooklynn is going to eat. I called my family up, even my granny came. I asked the nurse to make her a bottle. She thought I had lost it, I guess they all did but she still fixed it just to see what would happen. I blessed it and Brooklynn took two little sucks. That night she ate a little more. Before we knew it she was eating away. The nurses came from all floors to see this miracle. I remember one in particular who had been her nurse in ICU when she was born. Back then she had asked me if I believed in miracles. I told her yes. She said, "will you pray that I can have a baby, we have been trying for years". I prayed. When she came to see the miracle of Brooklynn eating she said, "I have been off work but I wanted to tell you, I am 4 months pregnant!" God is so faithful. I look back and see all of the miracles God did.One right after the other and I think, why don't we see miracles like that now. That was only 15 yrs ago but alot has changed in 15 yrs. Yes God still does miracles but we don't have time to pray for them much less wait to hear if he speaks to us. I am as guilty as anyone. Especially now having a busy job and busy 3yrd old, then there are cell phones, laptops and facebook to keep us preoccupied. Today I challenge you to stop. Stop if even for a min or so and pray for something big. Something that only God can do. Then wait to see if he speaks to you or just wait to see the miracle happen!


  1. Beautiful, Millie. I am so enjoying reading your narrative. You are honoring Brooklynn by sharing each of the miracles, big and small, done for her by our AMAZING GOD!!!!

  2. Millie,
    I am so proud of you as a mom and as a women! I don't know how you didn't kill that surgeon! I know I would have had to be held back! Your story inspires me to me a better mother and take the time to give my kids extra love! Thank you!
    Aimee arroyo