Our stay continued in the hospital for what seemed like forever. Because of the stroke Brooklynn's immune system was very weak leaving her open to everything coming and going. At one point I remember her fever was 106+ . The nurses were all over the place throwing things racing to get her temperature down. I had never seen a temp that high so all I could do was just stand there dazed. We were suppose to be on our way home until all of this had started and everyone had thought we were home so I was surprised when my telephone rang. I just reached over and picked it up and it was a lady from church. She said, "Millie, the lord laid it on my heart to call and pray for Brooklynn is she sick". I muttered, "yes". She began to pray and Brooklynns fever immediately began to drop. I remember hearing her pray about Peters mother in law in the bible having a fever and how they prayed and it broke. God was so amazing that he had her to call right at that specific time and pray that specific prayer. As soon as that was over she was introduced to RSV. I'm sure every mother that read this gasped because it is such an ugly respiratory virus that results in death if the baby is young and cannot fight it off. Back to ICU we went but this time we were in isolation. Every 2 hours the respiratory therapist would come in and run a small tube down into her lungs to suction them out so she could breath and in between that I had a little suction cup that I would stand and pat her lungs with to try and break some of secretions up with. It was so sad to watch her lay there and barely be able to breath. The doctors really thought she had very little chance of surviving it but she did. I prayed constantly over her and God once again brought her through. I would sit and talk to Brooklynn so much. The one thing I ALWAYS told her was "Brooklynn you can do this, God made you strong. He never taught you to swim to let you drown". She probably still hears me telling her that today in Heaven!
We spent about 8 months there after the stroke.. well on and off about 8 months. We would come home for a week and then she would have to go back and stay for a couple of weeks. During our time home we hardly ever had any visitors. Had it not been for God we would've been so lonely. I remember I would be so tired that I would walk into walls while carrying her, once I fell asleep rocking her at the hospital and nearly dropped her in the floor. If she cried I would just pray and ask God what it was and he would show me. I was still married but we never saw each other much. I spent most of my time caring for Brooklynn and it was better that way. He would make rude comments like "he didn't know why I talked to her, should didn't understand and would never be anything". I use to get so mad I would cry. I had asked a couple of people from church if they would just come and visit but everyone told me the same thing, that they couldn't bare to look at her. One woman even told me that she couldn't come because she had pms. Not me, I loved looking at her. Yes she did look a little different. You could tell that she was now handicapped. Her hands were starting to turn in and her feet. The most distinctive thing was her eyes. The stroke had affected the part of her brain that controlled her vision. So, when you looked at her one eye would be looking up and the other would be to the side. I had taken her to the eye Dr in Lexington who had told me that she would never ever see and that her eyes would never line up. One day I was driving down the road talking to her and I just began sobbing. I pulled off and this is what I prayed, "God, please let her be able to see me, please let her be able to see the one who loves her so much". That week during therapy her therapist noticed that she was beginning to track things with her eyes. Later on they slowly began to line up!!! God is so good.I took her back to that very same doctor who now said she CAN see. I made him write it out in a report so I could hang it up at church for everyone to see.Jesus said he who has eyes let him see and he who has ears let him hear. Jesus knew that we all had eyes and we all had ears, that is not what he meant. He meant spiritual eyes and spiritual ears. Ears that were sensitive to him and his people. Eyes that could see him in everything especially his hurting people. Me & Brooklynn and Timmy went to the lake with his brother one Sunday afternoon. We were parked on the bank letting Brooklynn see the fish and the water. After a few minutes I noticed this big ugly deformed looking fish floating on the water. I yelled and asked him what it was. He grabbed a stick and pulled it in. It was a huge fish with a broken back. He grabbed and taunted me with it. Then he had a stick poking at it. He then through it back into the water. I knew God was showing me something but what? What could I learn from a broken down ugly fish....this is what God told me. Later that night he said this, "Millie, I've made you a fisherman of men. The fish that you catch may be ugly, broken down and not fair to look upon. Their backs are broken down by the cares and the weight of the world. Don't beat them up or make fun of them. You just catch them and Ill skin them and use them".
In this blog I don't want people to think I was perfect because I was far from it. I have made more than my fair share of mistakes in my life. But, I was determined that I would be the very best for Brooklynn that I could be because she was mine. God gave her to me and I loved her more than life itself. So what if she looked a little different. I use to say, she may not be perfect but who is. I dressed her everyday whether we were going to church or just in the hospital for a lengthy stay. She deserved to be treated as anyone else I would not have it any other way. She may have been handicapped but God used her and he will use you too no matter what kind of fish you maybe.