I have decided after 4yrs I would finally begin a blog about what is is like to lose a child, especially a child as wonderful as Brooklynn. I also wanted to show people in a sense what it is to live and deal with that type of loss. First and foremost I want to say that without God I would have never survived. He has literally kept me alive and kept me going when I had no desire to do so. He has blessed me with an adorable, talkative 3yr old red-headed little girl who I simply adore.
Ok. so to start from the beginning, Brooklynn was my first born. I was only 19 and was in a horrible marriage, Brooklynn was an answered prayer. The day she was born the nurse laid her on my chest and I noticed she was blue and would stop breathing. I was alone at the hospital when the dr came in and told me that Brooklynn had a very serious health problem that they were unable to recognize and she would need to be be flown to UK. They asked me if I wanted to set with her in the nursery until the helicopter came in case she didnt live. I pulled myself up walked to the nursery and saw the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. I instanly fell in love with her. I talked to her and told her she was going to go for a ride but to be strong because I would not be far behind her. I prayed over her and the nurse snapped a picture of her for me to keep, again..in case she didnt live. I kept that picture and have it in a frame. Everytime I see that picture it reminds me of how faithful God is. I went back to my room alone and was crying uncontrollably. The nurse heard me and came in and offered me medicine. I was scared to take it but she insisted since noone was getting any rest because of me lol. I remember laying there in the bed praying and feeling so lonely when suddenly I felt a hand pat my leg, I opened my eyes and noone was there. I know that was God sending me comfort when I felt so alone.
Life is filled with loneliness and dissapointments. We think life should be easy with no trials and no complications.The bible says "many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord will deliver them out of all of them". If you are a Christian you will have trials but...you also have a way out..God. If life was easy then how would we ever see a need for him? How would we realize that he is all we need unless he is all we've got.