The best kiss I ever got

The best kiss I ever got

Monday, January 10, 2011

Post #2 The Diagnosis

So off they went. Brooklynn was taken to UK and I was still in the hospital. The nurse told me if I could take a few steps on my own then they would release me to go. 15 hours after giving birth I was signing discharge papers. They gave me instructions to go home, pack lots of clothes and they would call me at my parents house to let me know what was going on and that she was ok until I could get there. I packed my clothes, my sister drove me to my parents and I sat there and waited on that phone call.
And then it came. It was the Pediatric Heart Specialist telling me that Brooklynn had 6 major heart defects. I was barely 19, I thought heart defects and trouble was only for older people who had lived long lives.not newborns. It appeared that the blood in her heart flowed completely backwards, the main two tubes running into her heart in a figure 8 were running straight up and down and the only way the blood was mixing was through several holes in her heart, one very large. Also to top things off she had a aretery to large and one to small and a payton ductus. Shew now try to tell that at every drs appointment!
Needless to say at this point I am overwhelmed. I remember so plainly walking next door to my sisters front porch and just sitting there staring, trying to take all of this in when  my dad came and sat beside me. He was a big tall man 6ft 4 with big long arms and great big hands. Dad was a christian but he wasnt going to church  much and had not had all the teachings on faith and healing. He wrapped that big arm around me and began crying almost uncontrollably and said "Baby girl, its going to be ok, God will take care of her". And we sat there and cried together. It was almost as if God himself was holding me through those big arms.
My sister had gotten all of her stuff ready and was ready to go. I remember on the way up there falling asleep and having one of the most realistic dreams I've ever had. There I was in a huge crowd of people and they were screaming and shouting, throwing things and I was in the main back. I was pressing in closer and closer to try to understand what they were saying and why they were being so violent. And then I heard those wrenching words "Crucify him"! Who were they crucifying, I was jumping up and down trying to see over the shoulders of the hundreds of people in front of me. I caught a glimpse of the top of a mans head and he was stooped over. I woke up and my heart was racing. It was Jesus! And I heard the Lord speak to me as if he was sitting right in front of me and he said, "You can either believe what the Dr's said or you can believe what I did on the cross". I said Lord, "I believe you".
We arrived at the hospital and they had to complete one procedure before I had gotten there. The doctor came in and said that she would have to have another surgery in 2 days. We went in for surgery that morning and they had to close her up due to her heart being so small and excess bleeding. Again I said, "Lord I trust you". A few days after the surgery I began to notice some green stuff leaking out of her incsion under her left arm. I told the nurses and they thought she maybe was spitting up in the bed. I was so worn and frustrated. Then the nurse that I called "the angel" came in. I showed her what was going on and how Brooklynns oxygen was dropping when she layed on one side. She immediately knew what it was. Gain green had set up in her incision because the nurses had not been changing her bandages. On top of that, the Surgeon comes in and says, we have to do surgery tomorrow! "Tomorrow? but what about all of this infection? Will she be able to survive"? I asked. The surgeon told me that we had no choice. Her heart was flooding her lungs with blood and at this rate she would not survive anyway. It was total chaos in that room. The nurses were trying to get Brooklynn prepared, family members including myself were upset because of this infection and now surgery? I walked in the bathroom and shut the door. I needed to talk to God and fast! As I sat there in the quiet I heard and old hymn playing over in my mind, "on Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand". That was it! I was standing on that solid rock. I chose to believe what he did and not what my eyes was seeing. God was bigger than this sickness. Gone were the days of putting God in a box and saying, he can heal colds, he can heal headaches but can he heal hearts? Im here to say, YES he can and HE WILL! When I became a christian and called Jesus my Lord thats what I meant. I meant he is Lord of my life, my heart, my emotions and definately my child! I walked back into that room, picked up that little 5lb girl, looked her in those big brown eyes and said, "Brooklynn you can do this, your strong! God is going to help us through this. He will heal you!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful, Millie. The Lord is our strength and our Salvation.